LeAnn Mom to 3 kids one with Oppositional Disorder
One day my Husband and I woke up to an emotionally changed child ...
My husband and I thought our family was "intact". We were good parents, providing a well balanced life for our three children that included a nice home, family activities, church, etc. As we were "cruising" through being parents to our three kids, one day we woke up to an emotionally imbalanced son. This change literally rocked our "perfect" world and brought us to our knees.
Our son was popular, handsome, athletic, intelligent, funny ... well up until the 5th grade. In November of 2010 he suddenly wouldn't get on the bus to go to school, then wouldn't go to school without a fight. Christmas break came and went and it just got worse when school started back up. He refused to get on the bus, then when we drove him to school he wouldn't get out of the car without a fight. Then he just refused to go to school and during that time of refusing to go to school he started verbalizing his suicidal thoughts and then tried to take action. He has run away, he has tried to commit suicide by hanging or trying to get knives, he has tried to jump out of the car, he has attacked us and has written on his wall stating that he will kill himself.
You would think that by trying to harm himself and us, we as parents would call 911 and send him off to a psyche unit somewhere. It is not as easy as one would think to send your child away, so we didn't. As his Mom, I could and I would have but my husband said absolutely NOT. Well so I thought. Before I tell you that story, I must step back and reflect on mental illness assistance for kids under the age of 12. It is just not readily available. This is our journey ...
After John went downhill in February of 2010, we contacted a local child psychiatrist in Joliet. His "assistant" was only not unhelpful, but rude, mean and unprofessional. I asked if he could be seen right away because of the severity of his state of mind, but this person advised us to call 911 and have him admitted to Provena St. Joseph's Hospital. Strangely enough, they don't treat anyone under the age of 12 (he was 10 at the time) so that trip wouldn't have done a thing. In that we have never experienced this before, she did not take the time to truly explain the crux of his age constraint or educate in any way, shape or form. We were pretty much left on our own to decide the best course of treatment for our son.
Then our friend, stepped in and recommended we have a crisis evaluation done at Provena Psych Unit in Aurora, IL. I took him that very day and they recommended placing him in out patient care from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Then our son had a breakdown that very night and wrote all over his walls telling us he was going to find away to kill himself. My husband and I woke up to that in the middle of the night so we took him to Aurora the very next day. I was going to commit him, but my husband was still against it. It was so emotional for him because he couldn't imagine what our son would feel like having us leave him some place and we were not with him. Would this be more damaging than helpful? I remember carrying him through this hallway and this big door shut behind us and we were crying, John was flipping out and begging us not to leave him. Then ... they placed us in this room and this very slow minded nurse came in and asked us all of these questions (ones we've answered already twice before at the same place). She spoke very, very slowly and it took her forever to get through the intake process. Then she left for awhile. I went to go look for her and as I was walking down the psych unit I looked into the rooms and they had cots on the floor & not regular beds. The place was not clean and I felt like I was in the film, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". I walked back into the room, sat there and directly asked God,
"Is this what I am supposed to do with my son"? God spoke to me that day and said, "GET OUT". So we picked up him up and left. As a result of doing this of course, the hospital reported us to DCFS and the DCFS lady was knocking at our door that next night. Although that was difficult and having DCFS involved in your life is never a good thing when not necessary, DCFS realized that after hearing our story, talking with all three of our children that we were doing what was best for our son. That was not the place for him.
Subsequently, I re-contacted the Joliet psych Dr. to see if we could get help from him. They now wouldn't even take our son as a patient! I drove to their office and the Dr. would not speak with me and sent one of staff members to placate me. I wrote a full letter/outline of events that transpired due to his assistant's lack of help and he didn't care. I turned him into the State of Illinois and wrote a letter to Provena St. Joes. I knew that was done in vain, but it made me feel better. Then I told everyone NOT to ever see this Dr. I don't want to disparage this Dr. so I won't provide his full name, even though he would deserve it, just not in this format.
Now the journey began in finding real help for our son. We found another child psych Dr. in Naperville. Again, not a great Dr. He was a "prescriber" of medication. There was no talking to our son and no connection was made, but he wrote that darn script out pretty fast. He placed him on Lexipro. It did absolutely nothing for him, except make him feel nauseous and weird. About 14 days later we were still at the very same place we started. School refusal, freak out sessions, crying and talking of suicide. We connected him to a Therapist (Dr. Kelly Hird's office - her name was Jenny). She was excellent with John.
We then took him to Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago. We took him for a crisis evaluation again and we talked to a fantastic emergency psych Dr. that spent a full three hours with us. He connected with us and our son. He didn't think that he needed to be committed and wanted him to go into the out treatment program for 2 weeks. This is what we did for two weeks and although I truly didn't think it did a great deal of good, I do finally believe it helped him in the long run. From March of 2010 to the end of the school year (August), there was still school refusal and difficulities in getting him to school. He was still seeing his therapist too and this also helped him. He also started seeing a new child psyche Dr. in Joliet. She was better than the other two male Drs, but we only needed to see her once. Now during his time with his Therapist (Jenny), he was given a full psych evaluation and the end result of this eval he was diagnosed with Oppositional Disorder. This was all the therapist AND Children's came up with. We were like, really? That was it? Do not all children have this to some degree? This couldn't be it ... he never exhibited this before. After this $5,000 test, over 70 days of missed school, $12,000 in hospital bills (we have insurance thank goodness), attacks on his family, jumping out of cars, running away, trying to hurt himself, etc. ... it came down to this? Not so fast ... this is the real deal ~
Our son was demoralized at school by some very mean girls, and I am sure some boys played along. He would NEVER fully tell us this, but he was. It all comes down to how he would be perceived if he told us what was going on fully. The principle was involved and talked to these girls, but it did continue and does to this day with the very same girls who are in another school. THIS was the entire root of the problem. In his 10 year old mind, he couldn't handle being "bullied" anyone and especially girls. He never, ever dealt with this before and truly didn't know how to handle it. They told him he smelled, liked boys, said he was gay, etc. None of which was true and it had a severe impact on him and so severe that he mentally broke down.
During all of this, our son's school was heavily involved via the Principal. She was great, but the teachers were not. They never contacted me to see how he was doing and only asked when I contacted them. All I heard from them when I met with the teachers was that they would miss having him in school for ISAT ... because his test scores would be high and the school could really use them. I finally chuckled after I left. He was a child left behind for other reasons - only wanted him for his test scores.
In closing, if your child has an immediate dislike of school and shows signs of depression ... look into what is going on in the classroom. I mean really push to find out why he/she doesn't like school. It is either he is being bullied or he is being abused in some manner. Our son started the 6th grade at a different school and he is back to being happy, excited and being himself. He doesn't see a therapist, psychiatrist, not on meds. Now he does have issues about going to certain functions and this is now a learned behavior because it worked for him last year, now we just make him go because it is just him not wanting to go. Hey, I have my normal child back. Praise God.
My husband and I thought our family was "intact". We were good parents, providing a well balanced life for our three children that included a nice home, family activities, church, etc. As we were "cruising" through being parents to our three kids, one day we woke up to an emotionally imbalanced son. This change literally rocked our "perfect" world and brought us to our knees.
Our son was popular, handsome, athletic, intelligent, funny ... well up until the 5th grade. In November of 2010 he suddenly wouldn't get on the bus to go to school, then wouldn't go to school without a fight. Christmas break came and went and it just got worse when school started back up. He refused to get on the bus, then when we drove him to school he wouldn't get out of the car without a fight. Then he just refused to go to school and during that time of refusing to go to school he started verbalizing his suicidal thoughts and then tried to take action. He has run away, he has tried to commit suicide by hanging or trying to get knives, he has tried to jump out of the car, he has attacked us and has written on his wall stating that he will kill himself.
You would think that by trying to harm himself and us, we as parents would call 911 and send him off to a psyche unit somewhere. It is not as easy as one would think to send your child away, so we didn't. As his Mom, I could and I would have but my husband said absolutely NOT. Well so I thought. Before I tell you that story, I must step back and reflect on mental illness assistance for kids under the age of 12. It is just not readily available. This is our journey ...
After John went downhill in February of 2010, we contacted a local child psychiatrist in Joliet. His "assistant" was only not unhelpful, but rude, mean and unprofessional. I asked if he could be seen right away because of the severity of his state of mind, but this person advised us to call 911 and have him admitted to Provena St. Joseph's Hospital. Strangely enough, they don't treat anyone under the age of 12 (he was 10 at the time) so that trip wouldn't have done a thing. In that we have never experienced this before, she did not take the time to truly explain the crux of his age constraint or educate in any way, shape or form. We were pretty much left on our own to decide the best course of treatment for our son.
Then our friend, stepped in and recommended we have a crisis evaluation done at Provena Psych Unit in Aurora, IL. I took him that very day and they recommended placing him in out patient care from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Then our son had a breakdown that very night and wrote all over his walls telling us he was going to find away to kill himself. My husband and I woke up to that in the middle of the night so we took him to Aurora the very next day. I was going to commit him, but my husband was still against it. It was so emotional for him because he couldn't imagine what our son would feel like having us leave him some place and we were not with him. Would this be more damaging than helpful? I remember carrying him through this hallway and this big door shut behind us and we were crying, John was flipping out and begging us not to leave him. Then ... they placed us in this room and this very slow minded nurse came in and asked us all of these questions (ones we've answered already twice before at the same place). She spoke very, very slowly and it took her forever to get through the intake process. Then she left for awhile. I went to go look for her and as I was walking down the psych unit I looked into the rooms and they had cots on the floor & not regular beds. The place was not clean and I felt like I was in the film, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". I walked back into the room, sat there and directly asked God,
"Is this what I am supposed to do with my son"? God spoke to me that day and said, "GET OUT". So we picked up him up and left. As a result of doing this of course, the hospital reported us to DCFS and the DCFS lady was knocking at our door that next night. Although that was difficult and having DCFS involved in your life is never a good thing when not necessary, DCFS realized that after hearing our story, talking with all three of our children that we were doing what was best for our son. That was not the place for him.
Subsequently, I re-contacted the Joliet psych Dr. to see if we could get help from him. They now wouldn't even take our son as a patient! I drove to their office and the Dr. would not speak with me and sent one of staff members to placate me. I wrote a full letter/outline of events that transpired due to his assistant's lack of help and he didn't care. I turned him into the State of Illinois and wrote a letter to Provena St. Joes. I knew that was done in vain, but it made me feel better. Then I told everyone NOT to ever see this Dr. I don't want to disparage this Dr. so I won't provide his full name, even though he would deserve it, just not in this format.
Now the journey began in finding real help for our son. We found another child psych Dr. in Naperville. Again, not a great Dr. He was a "prescriber" of medication. There was no talking to our son and no connection was made, but he wrote that darn script out pretty fast. He placed him on Lexipro. It did absolutely nothing for him, except make him feel nauseous and weird. About 14 days later we were still at the very same place we started. School refusal, freak out sessions, crying and talking of suicide. We connected him to a Therapist (Dr. Kelly Hird's office - her name was Jenny). She was excellent with John.
We then took him to Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago. We took him for a crisis evaluation again and we talked to a fantastic emergency psych Dr. that spent a full three hours with us. He connected with us and our son. He didn't think that he needed to be committed and wanted him to go into the out treatment program for 2 weeks. This is what we did for two weeks and although I truly didn't think it did a great deal of good, I do finally believe it helped him in the long run. From March of 2010 to the end of the school year (August), there was still school refusal and difficulities in getting him to school. He was still seeing his therapist too and this also helped him. He also started seeing a new child psyche Dr. in Joliet. She was better than the other two male Drs, but we only needed to see her once. Now during his time with his Therapist (Jenny), he was given a full psych evaluation and the end result of this eval he was diagnosed with Oppositional Disorder. This was all the therapist AND Children's came up with. We were like, really? That was it? Do not all children have this to some degree? This couldn't be it ... he never exhibited this before. After this $5,000 test, over 70 days of missed school, $12,000 in hospital bills (we have insurance thank goodness), attacks on his family, jumping out of cars, running away, trying to hurt himself, etc. ... it came down to this? Not so fast ... this is the real deal ~
Our son was demoralized at school by some very mean girls, and I am sure some boys played along. He would NEVER fully tell us this, but he was. It all comes down to how he would be perceived if he told us what was going on fully. The principle was involved and talked to these girls, but it did continue and does to this day with the very same girls who are in another school. THIS was the entire root of the problem. In his 10 year old mind, he couldn't handle being "bullied" anyone and especially girls. He never, ever dealt with this before and truly didn't know how to handle it. They told him he smelled, liked boys, said he was gay, etc. None of which was true and it had a severe impact on him and so severe that he mentally broke down.
During all of this, our son's school was heavily involved via the Principal. She was great, but the teachers were not. They never contacted me to see how he was doing and only asked when I contacted them. All I heard from them when I met with the teachers was that they would miss having him in school for ISAT ... because his test scores would be high and the school could really use them. I finally chuckled after I left. He was a child left behind for other reasons - only wanted him for his test scores.
In closing, if your child has an immediate dislike of school and shows signs of depression ... look into what is going on in the classroom. I mean really push to find out why he/she doesn't like school. It is either he is being bullied or he is being abused in some manner. Our son started the 6th grade at a different school and he is back to being happy, excited and being himself. He doesn't see a therapist, psychiatrist, not on meds. Now he does have issues about going to certain functions and this is now a learned behavior because it worked for him last year, now we just make him go because it is just him not wanting to go. Hey, I have my normal child back. Praise God.